Godless Godliness

Introduction

“You struggle with legalism.”

For years I never knew what exactly people meant by this statement. I know that I am more strict in my obedience than almost anybody else I know, but if I’m not trying to earn my salvation, then I’m not a legalist, right? Until now I have never understood the various accusations of legalism against me. I thought that since I didn’t believe strict obedience earned me salvation, or any sort of special favor from God, then I couldn’t be legalistic. However, while my goal in sanctification may have been primarily Biblical (though not purely Biblical), the method which I used to sanctify myself was, by definition, entirely anti–Christ. While I was in biblical counseling, one assignment I was given was to read the book Gospel Treason by Brad Bigney. One chapter in particular stood out to me. Though it introduced to me a phrase which I had never heard before, it was merely the unheard name for an old companion, called morbid introspection. Bigney, in his book, quotes a counselor who remarks, “When we... are morbidly introspective or self–conscious, we turn in on ourself, analyzing and examining, always trying to explain, understand, or make sense out of our lives. We become our own Holy Spirit, gazing inward, looking for flaws, and usually finding them” (166–167). While morbid introspection is the specific sin with which I have indulged, it finds its own home in a category more broad which I intend to be the primary topic of this article. This larger category which encompasses morbid introspection is called sinful meditation, and it is here where my focus lies, not on my legalism, but on its source.

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Biblical Meditation

While morbid introspection is the specific sin with which I have partaken, I would like to begin by understanding the broader category which it fits in, namely sinful meditation. However, to understand sinful meditation we must first understand Biblical meditation. So then, what is meditation? The Bible does not present to us the idea of clearing our minds in meditation, but the term rather means simply to ponder something; it means to think about or to dwell on (see Vine’s Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words, page 737). In Psalm 1:2 the word used for meditation literally means to ponder by talking to oneself. Biblically speaking, meditation is commanded, but with that command we are also told what to meditate on, such as things which are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). Psalm 1:2 states we are to meditate on the Word of God (see also Joshua 1:8, Psalm 119:9–16). I also do not think that the act of meditation should be understood as limited to sitting on your bed, in silence, reading and thinking about the Bible. In Joshua 1:8, God commands Joshua to meditate on His word at all times. If meditation is just a solitary silent act then how could this be expected of Joshua, especially since he was chosen by God for the very busy task of being Moses’ replacement in leading Israel (Joshua 1:1–9)? Surely Joshua was not reading the law at every waking moment of his life, let alone when he was asleep at night. This is why we must memorize the scriptures. How could the psalmist say of the righteous man that “in His law he meditates day and night,” unless he has it memorized; able to call each word to mind so that he may meditate on it? Meditation is to be occurring at all times in the life of a Christian, and memorization is what allows for it (Psalm 119:11, 13). This I believe is one of the main reasons we should memorize scripture: That we might meditate on it day and night. Without this, memorization is pointless; memorization without meditation is folly.

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The Product of Meditation

But why is meditation commanded? What is the product of meditation? What does it do? This is a question I had never thought to ask growing up in church. I remember learning how to study the Bible in a class that my church put on, where we went through the Living by the Book course by Dr. Howard Hendricks. Once we got to the application aspect of Bible study, Dr. Hendricks stated that we must meditate on what we had learned about the passage in order to properly apply it to our lives. I had never thought much of that instruction until now. Through months of Biblical counseling I have come to learn that meditation is the method by which sanctification occurs. Meditation is the cosmic mechanism by which we are sanctified. Step back for a moment and consider with me why we sin. The Bible tells us that it is not our circumstances that cause us to sin, but instead that it is the sinful desires in our heart which cause us to sin (Matthew 15:19, James 1:14–15, 4:1). Therefore if we want to become more like Christ, it is not our circumstances which we must change, nor our behavior alone which we must modify. Our heart is what must change (Jeremiah 17:9).

Although we are positionally righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21) we must still strive to be more and more practically righteous (1 John 1:8), and it is by meditation on the Word of God that we facilitate this. If our heart is the thing that needs to change, and meditation is a tool which is used to instigate that change, then how exactly does that work? To summarize Hebrews 12:1–2, we are not only to lay aside everything that, as John Piper puts it, doesn’t help us run, we are also supposed to run with our eyes fixed on our goal. We are to run this Christian life “fixing our eyes on Jesus.” Obviously this is not a physical kind of looking, but a spiritual, emotional, and mental gaze. We are to set our minds on Christ. 2 Corinthians 3:18 tells us that we who are “beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.” As we gaze at Christ by meditating on His word, our mind is transformed to be more like Him (Psalm 119:9–16, Romans 12:1–2). Because we are constantly meditating and thinking about the things of God, and because our mind is being transformed, our actions and desires naturally change (2 Corinthians 3:18, Galatians 5:22–25). Colossians 1:9–10 puts it this way, and take note of how this verse presents a cyclical pattern, both beginning and ending with the knowledge of God, “For this reason also, since the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the full knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and multiplying in the full knowledge of God...” Meditation then, is the means by which God sanctifies us, and is the catalyst for our growth in Christlikeness.

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Morbid Introspection

As the quote from our introduction implies, morbid introspection is not the same as self–examination. Morbid introspection is the act of gazing inwardly at yourself to find every fault, every place where you fall short of the glory of God, so that you might rectify those shortcomings. For years I misunderstood how this was a form of legalism. I was not trying to earn my salvation, nor was I trying to earn any kind of special favor with God. How then could this be called legalism? Is not self examination a good thing? Not if that’s all it is. If self examination for the sake of personal betterment does not lead to Gospel examination, if pensive introspection does not lead to joyful Gospel inspection, then it is sin. It is sin because morbid introspection is just a form of unbiblical meditation, and it is therefore an attempt at effecting sanctification in our own lives. Please do not misunderstand, morbid introspection is not a term used to describe the pain of conviction we feel when sin is found in our self examination. Sorrow over sin is a good and godly thing and is required for repentance (2 Corinthians 7:9–11). Morbid introspection on the other hand, is meditation on our own sin alone, detached from Christ. It is sinful meditation in that not only do you meditate on your sins, but also that the act of meditating on just your sins alone, without beholding the glory of God, is itself a sin.

Consider with me now the intent of morbid introspection. The intent is not a mere masochistic attitude, that is, its aim is not the enjoyment of pain, but it is that by the careful inspection of your own sin, you might be able to rectify every fault and fix yourself into a more moral version of yourself. This is why morbid introspection is legalism, because although it does not attempt to earn salvation, or favor from God, it does attempt to earn sanctification. My particular brand of morbid introspection is an especially quiet sort of sinister. I was trying to sanctify myself by using the words of God, the principles of scripture, without God Himself, as if sanctification were some sort of impersonal procedure where I can just input recognition of sin, desire for purity, and action steps, and then get out a more Christlike me. In my introspection I had the mind of a Galatian. “Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” (Galatians 3:3). By the providence of God, during my research on morbid introspection I discovered that a song, which I had listened to for years, was all about this very topic.

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The opening line reads like this,

“You can’t seem to see past your own reflection, caught up in the halls of your introspection. And you’re staring at your mirror on the wall asking, ‘Who is the fairest of them all? ‘Cause, Lord, I know it’s not me’”

— House of Mirrors by Tenth Avenue North from their album The Light Meets the Dark

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Until now I had never understood what that last part meant. Morbid introspection is like running to Christ with mirrors over your eyes (Hebrews 12:1–2), it is attempting to imitate Christ by becoming intimately aware of every one of your flaws, without ever actually looking at the very One whom you are trying to imitate (Ephesians 5:1); it is attempting to be transformed into the image of the glory of God, without ever beholding that glory (2 Corinthians 3:18); it is attempting to achieve personal godliness without God.

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What is Produced by Morbid Introspection

As I meditated on the verses which I have mentioned throughout this article, and the concept of morbid introspection, I arrived at a revealing question: If meditating on the Word of God makes us more like Christ, then what does morbid introspection make us into? If meditation on the glory of God progressively transforms us into that same image, then what are we transformed into by meditating on our sin alone? “You have plowed wickedness; You have reaped iniquity. You have eaten the fruit of lies, Because you trusted in your own way, In the multitude of your mighty men.” (Hosea 10:13 NKJV). Just as biblical meditation reaps righteousness and the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23), unbiblical meditation produces sin and the works of the flesh (Galatians 5:19–21). I believe this is why it is an indictment when the Bible says of people that 'everyone did what was right in his own eyes,' (Deuteronomy 12:8). In any other book this phrase would surely be used to present the most morally upright society ever, but in the Bible it is used as just about the worst indictment available to lay upon a people group. This is the very essence of morbid introspection: The inspection of everything wrong with yourself so that you might fix every shortcoming, and be what is right in your eyes. However Christ calls us to be right in His eyes, not our own (Matthew 5:48). Morbid introspection calls you to be perfect according to your imperfect self; Christ calls you to be perfect according to Himself.

Though I hate to belabor the point, I must quickly expose one lie that morbid introspection tells us specifically regarding what it does not produce. Obviously morbid introspection does not produce righteousness, but it must also be said that it does not produce understanding of our sin; though it might be easy to assume it does. To sin is to fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). How then could we understand our own sin without understanding the God Whose glory we fall short of? If I were to tear up a painting, how much trouble would I be in? If it’s an unskilled painting that a child threw away, nobody would care. However, if it’s the Mona Lisa, I would be in big trouble. The severity of my wrongdoing depends on what, or who, I wronged. Morbid introspection does not see the depths of sin because, in its refusal to examine God, it does not understand the beauty and worth of Him against Whom we sin.

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Different Forms of Sinful Medition

Taking a step back for a moment, I think it would be profitable to look again at unbiblical meditation broadly. Although we have looked at morbid introspection in depth, there are other manifestations of unbiblical meditation which came to my mind as I researched and wrote this article. Some of the obvious forms of unbiblical meditation are lust, greed, idolatry, etc. However, there are others as well. Maybe chief among the other forms of unbiblical meditation in our day, is anxiety. Those who struggle with anxiety seem to have a common trait of meditating on the painful ways any given situation could go, which weighs on them greatly. Daily affirmations also seem to me to be a form of unbiblical meditation, where the opposite error is made from morbid introspection in that people refuse to examine the depths of their depravity and only meditate on where they think they measure up. Positive confession (also known as the law of attraction) is most certainly unbiblical meditation. Here the scope of meditation’s transformative ability is inflated past being able to alter your mind and affections, to being able to literally create reality. Sinfully indulging in loneliness is another one. Though loneliness is not inherently sinful, it can be sinfully dwelled upon (which I suspect has become more prevalent considering the recent global lockdowns of 2020), where we fail to commune with people and God, and simply wallow in self pity and sorrow. Finally bitterness, or unforgiveness, dwells on other people’s sin (or perceived sin), failing to examine how we have been forgiven of our own wrongs, and should freely give forgiveness to those who wrong us. All of these fail to measure up to the biblical commands regarding the how, why, and who of meditation.

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Culture and Morbid Introspection

Before we close with practical applications, there is one last aspect of morbid introspection which I would like to briefly expound upon: How the culture of the modern American church has aided the prevalence of morbid introspection among Christians. Morbid introspection is really just an attempt at man–centered meditation/sanctification, and I believe that there are many other areas of Christianity where the same man– centered approach has seeped in. I in no way mean to broad brush every Christian with the following list, but there are many ways, other than morbid introspection, where being man–centered and prideful has changed the modern American church and our approach to all of Christianity. It leads our eschatology to dominionism, since in dominionism it is man who determines the time of Christ’s return; it leads our worship services to become a concert focused on pleasing congregants; it leads our homiletics to become motivational speeches; it leads our books to become about self– help instead of the glorification of God; it leads the goal of our sanctification to become self–actualization; it leads the method of our sanctification to become morbid introspection; it leads our soteriology to be that Christ died that I might have a happy life; it leads our Christology to kenoticism, where the works of Christ are able to be done by any Christian who is holy enough; it leads our theology proper to the point where God makes His decisions based of of man’s desires; it leads our pneumatology to the point where the Holy Spirit becomes a genie in a bottle, who empowers us and grants our prayers like wishes; it leads our hermeneutics to eisegesis, narcigesis, standpoint epistemology, and postmodernism (aka a reader–based hermeneutic); and finally it changes our counsel from being aimed at a more Christlike counselee, to a satisfied, more happy counselee. Pride and the man–centered approach to the Bible have infected the church so much. It is no wonder why morbid introspection is such a problem even among the children of God.

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This Changes Everything

This might be the most important aspect of understanding morbid introspection, and meditation in general. What does all of this change in our lives? Meditation is steeped in application, and there have been a number of things both within scripture and in my own observations which I think might be beneficial to cover here, relating to the application of biblical meditation. Firstly, understanding biblical meditation should change how we respond to sin. Morbid introspection only occurs in response to sin, or perceived sin, and its response is to dwell upon that sin, shaded from the light of the glory of God. However, if we are to respond biblically to our sin, things would be very different. Our meditation should always be in light of Christ and the Gospel (2 Corinthians 3:18), for He is the prize for which we run (Hebrews 12:1–2). Therefore when we sin, we should not meditate on our sin alone, but rather recognise and have sorrow over our sin, in light of Him Who we sinned against, repent, and believe in the Gospel (2 Corinthians 7:10–11). It is the Gospel which makes the recognition of our sin, in meditation, not morbid. Jesus has paid the debt for all of our sins, and He Himself sanctifies us, conforming us closer to His own image (Colossians 2:13–14). Therefore we have hope when we see our sins, since our awareness of them pushes us to look at Christ once again. We can and should find joy and delight in this meditation (Psalm 1:2). Although at first meditation might be undesirable, the Psalms tell us that the righteous person desires to meditate on the word of God. One way to find joy in meditation is by learning how to study the Bible. When you learn to study the Bible, you find that there is a certain joy in discovering what the word of God means, so learn what it means to study the Bible, and do it (I would recommend Living by the Book by Dr. Howard Hendricks as a guide for Bible study). In my own meditation and Bible study/discovery I have found that meditating directly to God really helps me find greater joy in the process. For example, when studying a passage I no longer think, “What does this tell me about God,” but rather, “What does this tell me about You Jesus?” This makes Bible study more personal for me, and really makes it less of a monologue for God. For He may be speaking to me directly through His word, but I rarely talk back to Him directly through prayer in the same moment. In the past I have also memorized a verse or section of scripture for the week to meditate on, which I have also found to be beneficial. Every person alive already meditates everyday, but it is our job as Christians to choose to meditate upon God and His word. Therefore meditate on the word of God, and don’t forget to think about what you think about.

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Conclusion

This was one of the most fruitful studies I have ever done. I used to think meditation was just a command with no rhyme, reason, or benefits. Now I see the vitality of meditation in the life of a Christian. So let us again be reminded of the beauty of meditation. Whatever evil comes out of us was already inside our heart (Proverbs 23:7, Matthew 15:19, Luke 6:43–45). We therefore must seek after a change of our heart and mind (Romans 12:1–2). It is through biblical meditation that we can replace the evil thoughts of our heart with the word of God, which then changes our actions (Psalm 1:2, 119:9–16, Colossians 1:9–10). To be clear, we are not the ones who sanctify ourselves, but rather it is God Himself Who sanctifies us (John 17:17, Hebrews 12:1–2). However this is not just a passive experience; it is also an active effort, and a commanded effort at that (Philippians 4:8). Meditation is not optional, for both the Christian and the non– Christian, if you think, then you meditate. However, what is optional is what you meditate on and fill your mind with. Therefore take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:4–5), and meditate on the Lord your God.