The Gospel and Insignificant Others

Introduction

How do I, as a man, love the females in my life, with a love that displays the immensity of God’s love for me, in a holy and God-honoring way? This question has plagued me for years. In our relationships with the opposite gender, how are we to act and think? Does the Bible have anything to say about how to interact with the opposite sex platonically? I have spent over a month studying God’s word and the wisdom of other believers, and the answers to these questions are various. The Church talks often about relationships whether it be dating relationships, marriage relationships, or our relationship with God... But when it comes to platonic, non-romantic, relationships with the opposite gender, I have found the biblical instruction in the Church to be sorely lacking. After reading around thirty or so articles, and viewing a number of podcasts, videos, and sermons from biblical sources, I don’t think I have ever been quite so disappointed in the body of Christ. How are we to fulfill the second greatest commandment, platonically, in our opposite gendered friendships? In my research I have found that there are more views, more disagreements, and less scripture used surrounding this issue, than even spiritual gifts. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but only slight. What’s worse is that from all the videos and articles I found, only one even mentioned the Gospel (sermons and podcasts excluded). You would think this would be one of the easiest things to relate to the Gospel. If we cannot even connect loving our neighbors as ourselves, to the Gospel of Jesus Christ then we have already failed to fulfill the greatest commandment of loving God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

In my research I have read and heard many conclusions, accusations, and assertions made by well intended believers without a shred of biblical evidence. To a degree, I can see how this might be understandable. As I searched the scriptures for wisdom on this topic I found that there really isn’t anything that specifically states how we should treat the opposite sex versus how we should treat the same sex. Because of this difficulty, the sources of wisdom which I have consulted in preparation for writing this article have been underwhelming. So what then? Does the Bible truly have nothing to say about this? Is it really just a matter of preference, or personal wisdom? If the Bible gives us everything necessary for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), then shouldn’t we expect to see this on every other page of God’s word? How am I to fulfill the second greatest commandment (Matthew 22:38–40), to love my neighbor as myself, when my neighbor is someone of the opposite gender?

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The Gospel and if we love

‘We can’t be friends!’ ‘We must be friends!’ ‘We can be friends, but just not intimate friends!’ ‘We have to be intimately involved in each others’ lives!’ ‘We can be acquaintances, but not friends!’ ‘All relationships with the opposite gender inevitably lead to romantic feelings from somebody!’

All these views I encountered in my research, each one presented with the same gusto and lack of evidence as the next. The question remains: Can members of the opposite sex even be in non-romantic relationships together? Certainly we must determine if it’s even an option to platonically love the opposite sex, before we begin to examine how we might do that. Though the answer from scripture is not explicitly stated, it would be an impossibility to obey God’s word without having intimate fellowship with members of the opposite gender. Examine 1 Peter 3. After spending the first seven verses on the responsibilities of husbands and wives, Peter says in verse eight, “Finally, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, affectionate, compassionate, and humble,” (NET). There is no caveat given that the men Peter is writing to should only be affectionate to other men, or that the women only be in harmony, or like-minded, with other women. This is a blanket command, given both to men and to women. Examine Romans 12:9–21 which says we must be ‘devoted to one another in brotherly love,’ and ‘rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.’ How are we to fulfill these commands without having intimate relationships with one another, including those of the opposite gender? How am I to ‘weep with those who weep’ without some form of intimacy? The Bible is filled with commands of how we are to treat one another. Are we to fulfill every command for intimacy only with people who are the same gender as us? What about having ‘the same care for one another’ (1 Corinthians 12:25), or that we should ‘through love serve one another’ (Galatians 5:13), or the command to ‘bear one another’s burdens’ (Galatians 6:2), or ‘exhort one another daily’ (Hebrews 3:13 NKJV)? The Holy Spirit places no restriction regarding which gender you should include or exclude in your fulfillment of these commands. Nor does Jesus place such a restriction on the fulfillment of loving your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:38–40).

There is much fear surrounding platonically loving the opposite sex. Purity culture in the Church has seemed to have petrified us from having the sort of intimacy demanded by scripture. As if we think intimacy and sexual intimacy are the same thing. In my research I came across this helpful quote by Vaughan Roberts in his book True Friendship, “Our society’s obsession with sex and its assumptions that any especially close relationship, even between people of the same gender, may have a sexual element to it, whether acted on or not, has sadly raised suspicions about such friendships.” We can have intimate relationships without having sinful sexual intimacy. Remember Paul’s instruction to Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:1–2, “Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather plead with him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.” Paul does not command Timothy, a young man (1 Timothy 4:12), to avoid the younger women, for fear that he would be tempted beyond his ability to endure. Paul tells him how to interact with them, ‘with all purity.’ Have we forgotten that God always provides a way of escape from temptation (1 Corinthians 10:31)? Or that we are not only saved, but also perfected by the word of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ (Psalm 119:9–16, John 17:17, 2 Corinthians 3:18, Galatians 3:1–3, Colossians 1:9–10). As Christians, we are united (Galatians 3:28), and we are to strive to keep that unity, not segregate based upon gender (Ephesians 4:1–6). Therefore how much more so should we love one another as believers (Galatians 6:10). Loving our neighbors is not an option, it is a command, and just because it’s hard to keep ourselves pure when loving our neighbors of the opposite gender, does not mean that we cease to try.

Not only are we as Christians commanded to love one another, but it is also the thing that identifies us to the world as children of God (John 13:35). To place this restriction on our love, when the Bible does not prescribe it, would be to effectively cut our fulfillment of John 13:35 in half. Moreover, we should not forget that we as Christians are the only ones who can love anybody at all. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another,” (1 John 4:7–11). This passage tells us not just who can love (Christians alone), but also Who has been an example for us of how to love. Jesus loved both men and women (John 11:5). And before you say that ‘Jesus was perfect, and we shouldn’t treat the opposite gender the same way He did, since He couldn’t have sinned and we can,’ remember that the command to love one another is a command to love in the same way as Christ (John 13:34).

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The Gospel and why we love

What then is the motivation for our love? We know now that we must love everyone, but why? Let me break this down in two ways: Love for believers, and love for non-believers. Firstly we love non-believers because it displays what’s usually called God’s common grace. Look at Matthew 5:43–48, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Common grace is the idea that God allows even the unjust to enjoy pleasure. Just as He does not discriminate upon whom He loves, so we too are not to be stingy or selfish with whom we love. We are to love the unlovable along with the lovely. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us,” (Romans 5:8, 10). While I was but a rotting corpse of the enemy of God, He loved me, so how much more should I then love every person (Ephesians 2:4). Secondly we love believers because it identifies us to the world as believers (John 13:35). The main idea between the two of these is that we are to love because it displays the glory and character of God Himself, for that is what we are predestined to do (Romans 8:29). This is summarized by the Apostle John when he says, “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11).

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The Gospel and who we love

Here we start to get to the meat of our study. Before we deal with how we are to love our neighbors of the opposite sex, it would be wise to first examine who the Bible commands us to love. I do not mean to ask if the Bible instructs us to love everyone, but rather what are the biblical categories of our relationships, and how does that affect how we love them. It would be easy to develop my own categories based off my own observations. In fact, I found one such list, where the author broke up our relationships into four levels of intimacy, those being Acquaintances, Associates, Friends, and Spouse. However, there is no need to synthesize these distinctions; the Bible provides them for us: Unbelieving neighbors, believers, spouse, and God. Or if you like, friendship, fellowship, flesh-ship, and worship; the first of which I will spend considerably more time on than the others.

Firstly our neighbors include just about everyone, from friends to enemies (Matthew 5:43–44, 22:39). I specifically refer to unbelieving neighbors, not because other Christians are not considered our neighbors, but because non-believers should only ever be considered our neighbors, and never as those with whom we have fellowship, flesh-ship, and especially not worship. 2 Corinthians 6:14–18 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has a sanctuary of God with idols? For we are a sanctuary of the living God; just as God said, 'I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,' says the Lord. 'And do not touch what is unclean, and I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me,' says the Lord Almighty.” This defines for us how we as Christians should love our unbelieving neighbors. We are not to have fellowship with them. We are to be as Christ, a friend of sinners (Matthew 11:19), yet separate from them (Hebrews 7:26); in the world, but not of it (John 17:14). I should also note that we should be wary that we don’t constrain or misinterpret this passage, and therefore misapply it. I have often heard this text used to say that Christians shouldn’t date or marry another Christian who is significantly more, or less, spiritually mature than they are, because they are ‘unequally yoked.’ If such a principle is true, it cannot be derived from this passage. To be clear, a true Christian cannot be unequally yoked to another Christian. It is an impossibility. The dichotomy that Paul is establishing is between believers and unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:15), not between immature believers and mature believers. Paul himself calls the Corinthians his fellow workers with Christ (2 Corinthians 6:1), which would be just about the clearest instance of a much more mature Christian yoking themselves with a weaker brother or sister. This is about fellowship, not just dating. It’s about our relationships with unbelievers, not believers.

Secondly, as 2 Corinthians 6 implies, fellowship is something only to be had between believers. The Gospel is what allows for the freedom to fellowship, for it is by the Gospel that we are united (Galatians 3:26–28, 1 John 1:7). As Christians we are members of the body of Christ, and we belong to one another (Ephesians 4:4–6, Romans 12:5 NIV). Therefore we ought not deprive one another of fellowship, and should be regularly interacting and building our relationships (Hebrews 10:24–25).

Next flesh-ship, or the oneness experienced by the union of a husband and wife, is something which, for believers, is only to be experienced in the context of a married believing man and a believing woman (1 Corinthians 7:1–2, 2 Corinthians 6:14, Ephesians 5:31). This close union is meant to reflect the relationship of Christ to His Church (Ephesians 5:22–33). As the Church is in submission to Christ, so the wife submits to the husband, and as Jesus died for the Church, so the husband ought to give himself up for his wife (Ephesians 5:22–27).

Finally, worship is how we are to love God Himself (Hebrews 12:28). While the relationship with one’s spouse is to merely reflect Christ’s relationship with the Church, our union with Christ is that very relationship (Ephesians 5:32). Our relationship with God comes before all others, before every neighbor (Matthew 22:36–38). It is the closest relationship possible, for who else comes and takes up residency inside of you (1 Corinthians 6:19–20, Romans 8:9). Who else knows your every thought and deed (1 John 3:20). Who else has paid the price for your every sin (Isaiah 53:4–5)?

Notice the progression between these four. In friendships with unbelievers I am not even to be in fellowship with them; in fellowship with believers, I am a member of the body of Christ, and I belong to every other member, and they belong to me (Romans 12:5); in marriage I not only belong to my spouse, but I become one flesh with my spouse (Ephesians 5:31); and in worship, my God literally inhabits me and conforms me to His own image (Romans 8:29, 1 Corinthians 6:19–20). Our friendships with unbelievers displays the common grace of God (Matthew 5:43–48), fellowship displays our salvation from God (John 13:35), flesh-ship displays our ongoing relationship with God (Ephesians 5:28–33), and worship is that very relationship (John 4:23).

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The road map for relationships

Finally we arrive at a place where we can examine how all that has been covered previously, impacts the way we love others, and more specifically how we love the opposite gender. For this section I will be focusing on those with whom we have fellowship. The Bible has very little to say on exactly how we love the opposite sex platonically. In fact, I was only able to find one passage of scripture that gives wisdom which is that specific. This lack of instruction quite possibly indicates that, at least in general, we are to love the opposite gender basically the same as everybody else. We are still to love them (Matthew 22:39), we are still to be tenderly devoted to them (Romans 12:10), to serve them (Galatians 5:13), to bear their burdens (Galatians 6:2), etc. However, the Bible also gives us indications on how we might need to individually treat one different from another. Let us examine the passage that breaks it down for us. Titus 2:1–8 says “But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine. Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance. Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may instruct the young women in sensibility: to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be slandered. Likewise urge the younger men to be sensible; in all things show yourself to be a model of good works, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in word which is irreproachable, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.” Here, God breaks down the Church by gender and age group. Though the book of Titus is called a pastoral epistle, meaning it was written to and for a minister of a church, there are still truths we can derive from this passage which will be helpful. This text provides us with the generalities for what things certain age groups and genders within the Church struggle with; what they must put off and what they must put on. Titus would not need to exhort them to do these things if they naturally did them; only if they naturally struggled with them. Therefore this can act as a map for us as we love all people in our churches. For example, if you are struggling to love an older man, consider if he is ‘sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience.’ If he isn’t, then exhort him in the Lord. If he is, then honor him in the Lord. Use Titus 2 to guide you on general things to be on the lookout for, and things to honor other believers for. Likewise, not only does this text give us what we should be, that is, the standards which we should hold others to— as well as what standards we should be held to ourselves— but it also tells us what the younger men and the younger women should be becoming. For every young man and every young woman is becoming an older man and an older woman. God in Titus 2 has displayed for the young people in the Church not just the standard which they are held to now, but also the kind of person they should be becoming. This passage, along with the 'one-another' commands of scripture, give us a sort of Gospel mad-lib; a template for us to fill in the blank with the information about whomever we are trying to love, to give us direction on how we love them.

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Love, Side B

Boundaries. This is an area which I’m sure many are familiar with. Volumes of books can, and have, been written on the boundaries we should have in our relationships with the opposite sex. Before I get into biblical boundaries in our relationships, let us begin with the most basic of questions regarding boundaries: Should we have any boundaries at all on our love? No! There are no biblical boundaries on love. I didn’t say that we shouldn’t have boundaries, but that we shouldn’t have boundaries on love. There is no need. It is not as if when love is unbounded it leads to sin. Love is the fulfillment of the law, and cannot break it (Matthew 22:36–40, Galatians 5:14). We may need to put boundaries on ourselves, but not on our biblical love. Even the things which we might think of as boundaries on our love are actually an expression of love, not a restriction of it. Think back to our most restricted form of relationship, friendships with unbelievers. It would be easy to say that our love for unbelievers is restricted since we can’t have fellowship, flesh-ship, or worship together. But our relationship with unbelievers is to reflect their relationship with God, for that is Paul’s reasoning for not being unequally yoked when he says, “Or what harmony has Christ with Belial?” (2 Corinthians 6:15). It is our job to treat others as Christ does, since we are His ambassadors, and He has no fellowship with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 5:20). Love is not to be restricted, just applied dynamically. Please do not misunderstand, biblical love has a definition, but there is nothing within that definition that must be restricted in its expression in order to prevent it from leading us into sin. Love is perfect, for God is perfect, and God is love (Matthew 5:48, 1 John 4:16).

It seems to me that the biblical language for ‘boundary’ is really just ‘put off.’ This can help us re frame the discussion from a more biblical perspective. There are really only three biblical boundaries, or put offs, which I could find: Sin, enticement to sin, and violations of conscience. Obviously we should not be engaging in any kind of sin within any of our relationships (Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 5:29–30). The only thing that I will mention here is that developing romantic feelings for someone is not a sin (1 Corinthians 7:2). Sometimes it seems to me as if purity culture in the Church has begun to condemn developing emotions naturally for someone else. We seem so afraid of developing unrequited feelings for another, or having somebody else develop unrequited feelings for us. Neither of these are condemned as sin in scripture, nor is there any shame in being the sender or recipient of unrequited desire. We should also not be enticing anybody to sin (James 1:14–15). This can be very specific for each person (Titus 2:1–8). Finally we should also put off matters of conscience, whether ours or someone else’s. To summarize 1 Corinthians 10:23–30, in areas of gray, we are free to do what we want as Christians, but if another person’s conscience is violated by our actions, we are not to partake. Even if that means offending an unbeliever. I found John MacArthur’s sermon entitled Principles of Christian Freedom to be extremely helpful in understanding this passage, and I highly recommend it. Matters of conscience and enticement to sin differ from person to person, so applying this might be more tedious than with other boundaries. Remember that our guiding light, and motivation in our boundaries is as Paul states in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

Quickly, I should also point out two boundaries we should not have, which have come to mind during my research. Firstly, we should not have the boundary of abstaining from every opportunity for sin. I’ve heard this used for years as a guiding principle for our opposite gendered interactions. To put it simply, this is a spiritual impossibility. To actually avoid every opportunity for sin you would have to stop breathing, for every breath you breathe without loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, you sin (Matthew 22:37). Even being alone in a room with one of your own family members is an opportunity for countless sins. Remember, Jesus according to His humanity was in positions where there was opportunity for sin (Hebrews 4:15). If He did not have this boundary, neither should we. Secondly, we should not have the boundary of abstaining from anything that might appear as sin. I’ve heard many people quote 1 Thessalonians 5:22, “Abstain from all appearance of evil,” to say that anything that could be perceived as sin should be avoided. Aside from the fact that the KJV is the only version that uses the word ‘appearance,’ and most others say ‘every form of evil,’ we cannot control the perceptions of others. We should be clear about what we’re doing and saying, but in the end, people are responsible for their own understanding of a situation. Just look at Paul and Barnabas in Acts 14. Paul preaches the Gospel of Jesus Christ (verse 6–7), but his listeners still call him by the name of the pagan god Hermès, and Barnabas Zeus (verse 11–12). We should be clear with our message, but we cannot expect to run our lives according to every horrible way we could be taken.

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Love, Side A

One day at work, while I was packing up some products for storage, one of my female co-workers asked me to set aside one of the products for her so she could buy it with her next paycheck. I set it aside, but decided to come back after our shift ended, and I bought it for her and left it at her desk. The next day questions were flying all around the workplace, asking if I had romantic inclinations toward this girl. I was a bit shocked at the response, but it led me to make an observation. The purchase I made was only $30. How poorly must we as a society treat our friends, that a $30 purchase is viewed as so far outside the realm of what a friend or co-worker might do, that it therefore must be romantically motivated. The bar for genuine affection is so low in our culture, but what does the Bible have to say about it? Depending on the translation, the English term ‘affection’ appears only a few times in the Bible. While we might call boundaries ‘put offs,’ affection is a ‘put on.’ In 1 Peter 3:8, every Christian is commanded to be affectionate (NET). Philippians 1:8 states that Paul truly does “long for you all [the church in Philippi] with the affection of Christ Jesus.” It’s not as if this command is to only be applied in man to man relationships, or woman to woman. As 1 Corinthians 12:25 says, we are to ensure, “that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.”

When discussing affection in the body of Christ there is an understandable hesitancy. Purity culture has conditioned us to almost treat people of the opposite sex as mere temptations. We ought to remember to amputate our lust, not our friends (Matthew 5:27–30). Never is this hesitancy greater than when we talk about forms of platonic intimacy. What then does the Bible have to say about this? Four times the Bible says to ‘greet one another with a holy kiss,’ (Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 1 Thessalonians 5:26) and a fifth time it says to ‘great one another with a kiss of love’ (1 Peter 5:14). Again, this is a blanket command which is given to a co-ed churches (Romans 16). I found what Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown have to say on the subject to be quite helpful, “The custom prevailed among the Jews, and doubtless came from the East, where it still obtains. Its adoption into the Christian churches, as the symbol of a higher fellowship than it had ever expressed before, was probably as immediate as it was natural. In this case the apostle’s desire seems to be that on receipt of his epistle, with its salutations, they should in this manner expressly testify their Christian affection. It afterwards came to have a fixed place in the church service, immediately after the celebration of the Supper, and continued long in use. In such matters, however, the state of society and the peculiarities of different places require to be studied.” In ancient times, greeting with a kiss could occur in various ways, such as on the beard, feet, cheek, etc. As far as I can tell, it could also be used as anything from a common greeting, to a grand gesture of love. In Luke 7, when Jesus was having a meal with a Pharisee, a woman, known for her sin, came in and began to kiss Jesus’ feet and wash them with her hair (verse 37–38). After the Pharisee judged both Jesus and the woman inwardly, Jesus rebuked him in verses 44 and 45 saying, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave Me no kiss; but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet.” His rebuke is a contrast of the Pharisee’s failure to have common courtesy, and the woman’s extreme display of love and care. So we have both extremes presented: Kissing, in Jesus’ day, could be used as common courtesy, but it could also be used as a method of displaying extreme love, care, and honor. So can we engage in such behavior today? Should we? Now there really shouldn’t be anything frightening about a holy kiss. So long as it is in fact holy, there is, by definition, nothing wrong with it. It is holy. We are not in some sort of different class or category of Christian than the first century Church, and therefore I see no reason why we cannot greet one another with a holy kiss. The issue comes in ensuring it is actually holy. Therefore, just as with anything, it must pass all three boundaries before we can practice it. It can’t be done from a sinful heart, entice anybody’s heart to sin, or violate anybody’s conscience. I then leave it up to the discernment of the reader to determine if and when the holy kiss would be implemented into their own Christian practice. However I must also mention that, though we may not realize it, many of us already practice this greeting. Though it might not be prevalent in our relationships with our unbelieving neighbors, or in our fellowshipping, most families still practice this. A mother greeting a son, or a brother greeting his sister, these are still examples of a holy kiss. The point is that we as Christians are supposed to be known for our love (John 13:35), and if people groups like the Samoans for example, are more well known for their love for others than Christians are, even for our love of one another, something is wrong. Our love might find its physical apex in the holy kiss, but no matter what, we ought to be loving each other so much that we are identifiable by it (John 13:35).

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How to love your Insignificant Others

Finally, after covering all the generalities I could think of, let us now take a look at how we love our friends of the opposite sex, our ‘insignificant others’ so to speak. Firstly understand that loving people of the opposite sex is not optional, and that our love reflects the character of God (Matthew 5:43–48, 22:37–40; John 13:34–35, 1 John 4:7–11). Also remember that while our love might be unbounded, we must have boundaries because of our sinfulness. We must have boundaries against any sinful act or heart posture (Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 5:29–30), anything that would entice us or someone else to sin (James 1:14–15), or anything that would violate our own, or someone else’s conscience (1 Corinthians 10:23–33). On that foundation, I would like to talk about how we actively love members of the opposite sex spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Most of these verses are stated in the context of the Church, so I leave it up to the discernment of the reader regarding which of these should or shouldn’t be applied in our friendships, not just our fellowship.

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Spiritually

• Share the Gospel with them, either for evangelism or sanctification (Matthew 28:19–20, John 17:17)
• Bear their burdens (Galatians 6:2)
• Use your spiritual gift to serve them (Romans 12:6–8, 1 Peter 4:10–11)
• For believers only: Worship with them, and teach one another about God through song lyrics (Ephesians 5:19–20, Colossians 3:16)
• Confess sin to them (James 5:16)
• Forgive them (Colossians 3:12–13)
• Do not cause anyone to stumble (1 Corinthians 10:32–33)

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Emotionally

• Be affectionate, if not with everyone, then at least with the Church (Romans 12:10, 1 Peter 3:8)
• Be concerned about them (1 Corinthians 12:25)
• Display and talk about your hope in Christ to them
(1 Peter 3:15–17)
• Consider them better than yourself (Philippians 2:3)

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Physically

• Share with and sacrifice for them (Hebrews 13:16)
• Serve them (Galatians 5:13)
• Show them hospitality (1 Peter 4:9)
• Greet them with an appropriate greeting that displays the depth of your relationship (Romans 16:16)

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Conclusion

As I embarked upon this study I quickly realized that the Bible really does not make much of a distinction between how we should love members of the same sex versus how we should love those of the opposite sex. But it is in this silence where we might realize that loving others does not find its most specific applications based upon gender, but based upon the individual. Just like the church of the Thessalonians did, we should remember that we love individuals, not demographics (2 Thessalonians 1:3). As with everything, our main goal is to glorify God and reflect His attributes (1 Corinthians 10:31). This does not mean that we love everybody exactly the same, but rather that we should love each person in our own ways, specifically tailored to our relationship with that particular person. We should cease to allow our relationships to be as insignificant to us as we have let them become, and we should remember what our relationships actually are from God, a reflection of His common grace (Matthew 5:43–48), and membership in His body where we belong to every other member (Romans 12:5).